Week 2: An earthly forever home and a heavenly forever home

Can I just be honest for a moment?

I'm exhausted after this last week.

Every day held a different range of emotions, a unique experience and the always present Thai heat.

Monday started off with a roller coaster of emotions. First thing, one of our girls met her forever family. I have never experienced something as beautiful as a couple walking hand in hand to meet their little girl for the first time. The moment they laid eyes on Siri . . . I can't even begin to describe to you the joy that filled the atmosphere around them. Tears were streaming down my face, down the faces of the new parents and Avis our director was smiling from ear to ear. Siri being the spunky girl she is, simply looked up at her new mom and said "Hi Mama!" My heart was bursting as she was doted on by them for the rest of the day, as they had some good bonding time.

Monday afternoon was filled with some business matters. It was another joyous thing when I held in my hands my work permit for my year here! Even though it is a pretty routine process to get a work permit here, there is still something that unsettling not knowing if they will grant it to you or not. Needless to say, I was relieved to have it tucked away into my bag as we drove out of the office parking lot!

After finishing work permit matters and my first Thai lesson, our director told me hop in her truck. Now let me tell you something about our amazing director Avis, her driving will make a saint cuss. She has certainly developed her own driving style that leaves you on the edge of your seat and a little shaken up. I took a deep breath and hopped in the truck with her to go and get my new bike! We drove to the other side of town to a bike shop where she made me ride what seemed like every bike there before I picked out the one I wanted.

My new bike!!!

Even though we went there on a business matter, I valued the time I spent in the car with Avis. I got to hear about her vision for Agape and listen as she told me just how much she cares and loves all 108 children at Agape. I was so blessed to have that time with her... even though I was holding on for dear life as we maneuvered the traffic.

Tuesday well to be honest it was hard. We had the going away party for Siri as she left to go to her new home in Italy with her beautiful forever family. What I didn't tell you about Siri is that she was the first kid I bonded with at Agape. My first day there she came right up and sat in my lap like she had known me all her life. I spent the afternoons teaching her and a few of the other kids English. Siri always refused to learn anything until she had the sombrero on. While I was extremely happy for her to be going into an amazing forever family, I was selfishly sad that she was leaving Agape. As I washed and dressed her for her going away party, all I could do was pray over her and kiss her cheeks about a million times. I was so blessed to spend my first two weeks here loving on Siri and I am so thankful to know she is going to be loved on for the rest of her life by two amazing parents!

Our last moments together before she left with her new family!

The sombrero wearing kid!

Wednesday seemed to fly by! I don't remember much except I had another Thai lesson and enjoyed it. My roommate Krista and I along with several guy volunteers went to eat out and as Krista and I were riding our bikes back home, Avis (our director) stopped us on the road. She was somber and told us that one of the ladies she had been taking care of passed away in her arms just a few hours earlier. Ceepah, had been a prostitute for many years and was HIV positive. Ceepah had however expected Christ in recent years and Avis along with other nannies from Agape had been ministering to her and taking care of her. Slowly over the last several years she got better and then in the last few months had taken a turn and got an infection. Avis made Ceepah a promise that she wouldn't die in a hospital. Avis took her in and Ceepah died knowing she was loved. She went to her heaven forever home Wednesday night.

Thursday was somber as we took care of the kids and then prepared for a funeral. It was a beautiful service! We sang some hymns and several people shared about Ceepah, and the impact she had made on their lives. It was a true celebration of life and a time of joy that she was no longer in pain and suffering but that she was finally in the arms of her Father. It is beautiful  to me how this woman who was rejected by society, her family, her friends was welcomed with open arms at Agape! She was loved and shown dignity and respect until the day she died. I believe that is how all Christians should act toward others. Love is a fierce and mighty force that can change the course of a life and an eternity.

So yea, this week was pretty exhausting but I wouldn't want it any other way. This is the beauty of working at Agape. You might be exhausted but you are doing kingdom work and seeing first hand how God moves!  Exhausting but pretty amazing is how this week has been!

Here we go.. WEEK 3!

Dear Mothers Everywhere. . .

Dear Mothers Everywhere,

Today I have a new appreciation and awe for you!

Let me explain why...

Today I was given responsibility of two very lively three year olds on a shopping trip to Big C (the equivalent of a Super Walt-mart).

All started off well as I situated the two boys into the shopping cart. They were awestruck by the bright lights, the sounds, and the bright colors of the store. This phase lasted approximately 3.5 seconds before the "I need to touch everything in sight" phase set in.

As I am searching the kitchen supplies isles for measuring spoons, child #1 manages to get into my purse and is pulling everything out one item at a time. I quickly manage to stuff everything back into my purse and throw it across my shoulder, as child #2 is leaning as far as he can out of the cart trying to grab for the nearest items on the shelf. I manage to stop the ordeal before he falls out of the cart or knocks an entire row of glass plates to the floor. (why is it that they always go for the glass items?)

It seems like ages before I find the measuring spoons, as I am trying to occupy two lively boys, while keeping them in the cart and away from all glass objects. I throw the measuring spoons into the cart and start to take off towards the body wash. That was my first mistake. Never ever put just one item in the cart when there are two children. Fighting immediately broke out over who was going to get to hold the measuring spoons. So, I decided we would take turns holding spoons. Mistake number two. 3 year olds do not share... ever.

So, I ended up holding the measuring spoons, while navigating the cart and trying to keep two children inside the cart away from all shelves. We turn down into the body wash isle and as long as I can keep the cart moving, they don't try to climb out. So I did what I like to call, "drive by shopping". This means, I kept the cart moving, while scanning the shelves for the cheapest body wash, grabbing it and keep trucking along.

At this point, if you have been counting, I have two items. Now, each child can have something to hold on to as we continue our shopping. Problem solved right? WRONG. Mistake number three.

Within a time span of 2 minutes, child #1 is opening the measuring spoon packaging, while child #2 is trying to bite into the body wash bottle. Yikes. I mean really how many more mistakes can I make in one shopping trip? Just when I start to think that things have to go up from here, I made the biggest mistake of the whole day.

I took a short cut down the chip isle. Now by chip isle... I literally mean an entire isle of nothing but Lay's potato chips in every flavor known to man kind. Immediately both boys are suddenly very hungry and will stop at nothing short of an epic tantrum if they don't eat potato chips at that very moment. I gave in. (I'm sure all mothers have done this at some point right?) My thought process is that if I can possibly get through the rest of the shopping without bite marks in my body wash bottle and all glass objects remaining in tact, then by all means GIVE THEM THE CHIPS!

So, the children settle in (all arms and legs inside the cart) with the potato chip bags and we continue on to buy the other items I need. We proceed to the check out with ease. Man, we made it through the entire check out process smoothly! Nothing grabbed off the shelf, no one climbing out of the cart. Just the sound of greasy chips being consumed.

I put the shopping bags into the cart and we head down stairs to wait for the rest of our group to finish shopping. Krista (my roommate and fellow volunteer) and I stop to grab some lunch to go, when both boys simultaneously (I think it was a conspiracy against me!) decide they are in dire need of the bathroom. I quickly grab both boys and am half running (while carrying them) into the bathroom. A comical scene I'm sure! I get them both in side-by-side stalls and breath a sigh of relief that there was no accident as I wait for them to finish. Child #1 of course finishes way before child #2 does and is trying to escape the bathroom. I am chasing after child #1 as child #2 is yelling for me to come help him button his pants (of course he is yelling in Thai... which I don't understand and I am yelling back in English... which he doesn't understand).  I manage to grab child #1 as every woman in the bathroom is staring, and I'm sure thinking how crazy this white girl must look. (I'm sure they went home and told their family the circus they witnessed in the bathroom!)

Eventually, we make it back to the cart and I get the boys settled back into the cart so they can finish their snack. Thinking how glad I am that the rest of the trip will be smooth sailing (mistake number 4), child #2 starts yelling "POO-POO!" This is to inform me that an explosion of epic proportions will occur in under a minute if I don't get him on a toilet fast!

As I am whisking child #2 out of the cart to run him to the bathroom (again), child #1 starts throwing a fit because he doesn't want to wait in the cart with Krista. Not wanting to deal with a screaming child, I pick child #1 up as well and again all three of us are running (this time a little quicker) back into the bathroom only to be met with even crazier looks.

Finally, child #2 finishes and we make it back out to the cart just in time to go outside to meet our van.

All that to say...

To all you mothers out there, I salute you!
I applaud you! I am in awe of how you do this day in and day out! I had to drink 2 cups of coffee after that ordeal just to maintain my sanity and try to pump myself with more energy for the rest of the afternoon with the kids!

Thank you mothers for all you do!

Cheers!

Left: The boys fighting over who got to hold the spoons

Right: The boys eating their chips just looking at the items on the shelves and not touching them! (thankfully!)

Life of an adventurer: Thailand Day One

To sum up day one... all I can say is... Wow what a day!

My day started at 4:45 when the jet lag finally caught up with me and my body decided that sleeping was no longer an option and it was time to get up and get going! For about 10 seconds I couldn't remember where in the world (literally) I was. The pool of sweat I was laying in quickly reminded me that "I'm not in Kansas anymore Toto!" My room doesn't have an AC unit yet so I am living with windows open and a fan blowing directly on my bed all night.

After staring at the ceiling until around 6:45, I finally decided it was time to get up. One of my roommates was up and getting ready to go to Agape so after finding a banana to eat, I decided to go with her. We found a rickety old bike along the side of our house that could at least get me to Agape. So, I hoped on and we biked the 15 minutes to Agape.

Now when I say biked, I don't mean a leisurely bike ride with the wind blowing in your hair, as you laugh. No, I mean a 15 minute ride trying to stay as close to the edge of the road as you can so you don't get run over by the intense morning traffic. Needless to say, once I get my bearings and figure out where I am going I think it won't seem so daunting!

Once we arrived at Agape, I was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of love welling up in my heart. From the moment I laid eyes on the first baby I saw, my heart almost burst. I fully know this is where I'm meant to be and where the Lord has called me. During morning devotions, one of the little babies fell asleep in my arms as I fed him, and in that moment I felt like I was holding the most precious child of God. I'm sure these moments will happen as I begin to spend more time with the babies and preschoolers. Each and every child captures my entire heart and I think if I love anymore, my heart will burst! I pray that daily they even just see an ounce of my love somehow.

After spending the morning with the babies, my dear college roommate's parents came to pick me up for lunch. Steve and Alberta as missionaries here in Chiang Mai and it happened that we overlapped a day before they head off for furlough. Not only did they take me to a wonderful farm-to-table restaurant, but they were so wonderful to me and took me to the store. I kept telling Alberta over and over again how glad I was that she was with me shopping. She was able to give me tips on what organic food to buy, where to buy different things, and what I should watch out for. I don't think I could have navigated the store without her help! By the time it was all said and done, I had a cart full of fresh foods to continue with my healthy lifestyle.

Thankfully, the afternoon was rather slow as I was starting to feel the effects of the heat and jet lag. We fed the babies, washed them and got them ready for the night time crew to come.

My roommate Krista and I rode our bikes back together and cooked dinner and have been enjoying this somewhat cool evening (By cool I mean 79 degrees with a breeze and a chance of rain.).

So yea, day one was long. It was good, it was exciting and it makes me look forward to the next 364 days.

Cheers from Chiang Mai!

Coffee Mugs and To Do Lists

4 days until departure

2 suitcases packed and re-packed

3 loads of laundry

1 goodbye party

1 To Do list

1398471234123 cups of coffee


4 days left wow.... my mind can barely grasp the idea that in mere days, I will be making the biggest leap of faith and life step I have ever made.

This is not a fire drill... THIS IS THE REAL THING! I AM MOVING TO THAILAND!

Pardon the excitement but it is welling up within my spirit as I get closer and closer to finally stepping on that plane.

That is if I can ever decide what I want... scratch that... what I NEED to take. This morning I finally got to the point with my suitcases that I just stood there staring at them hoping somehow magically they would pack themselves with just the right amount of everything I need. (I'm going to need some sort of Jedi force to make that happen!) In the end, I know the Lord will make it evident what I need to take so I should probably stop stressing over it as much as I do.

I don't know about you all, but I am a list maker and a planner. I sometimes feel if I didn't have my lists and planner my life would go to shambles because I wouldn't get anything done and I would forget all the things I needed to remember. That being said, I have a running "MUST DO" list as I get closer to departure. There have been a fair amount of items on that list but I am starting to feel like this list came out of Mary Poppins carpet bag. For everything I cross off my list, two more items appear. I thought that my sea of pink highlighting would be finished by now but of course there is one little corner of my list that has yet to be highlighted. I guess this is all to say, I didn't realize all the little details that goes into  moving internationally. Bank accounts have to be closed out, gym memberships cancelled and bills properly aligned. Things most people wouldn't necessarily have to worry about if they were just moving from state to state.

Those these last few weeks have held lots of long lists, many cups of coffee and a few moments of panic, I am ever sure that this is the path that God wants me to travel. He is walking alongside me as I pray and prepare to make this leap of faith!

These next four days are going to hold a lot of craziness but I can't wait to tell you all about it the next time I blog... FROM THAILAND!

Eino Nanu?

As I was going through some of my old files on my computer recently I ran across a paper I wrote in 2007 as sophomore in World History class. We were asked to write about what difference we want to make in the world and what we want our legacy to be. It seems perfect to share the week before I leave for Thailand! Enjoy!

Eino Nanu? (why me?)

            Why me? Why am I different from everyone else? I feel like if my life in anyway can bring people to Christ I have fulfilled my life’s purpose.  This world has strayed so far from God and those who know Him need to share his love with everyone they can.  My life does not need any special attention, I am not and do not want to be famous or in the spotlight in life.  I want to live my life quietly and without attention from the un-godly ways.

            The thing I love to do most is to do mission work, here in the U.S. and overseas.  I enjoy it because I am following God’s command to "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” (Matthew 28:19)  I love to interact with people who don’t know Christ and help them learn about how to follow Christ.  It’s awesome to see how their faces light up when you take the time to talk to them and when you give them gifts.  I enjoy the sense of accomplishment in knowing I am able to be a witness to others around the world.

            My life as a missionary can affect the world by continuing the Christian movement in the areas I work in.  It can equip the leaders in the churches to send out local people to be missionaries, to reach those who can not be reached by white missionaries.  Who can in turn reach others and continue the chain reaction of reaching the lost.  If every person in turn reached just one person there would be a wave of Christianity through out the world.  God commanded us to go and leave our homes, our comforts and go to those who need the gospel like we need food and drink.  I want to impact the lives of people I am around which in a small way can impact the world. 

            I want my legacy to be one of a fellow missionary who labored for Christ and did everything to bring glory to the Maker.  I want people to remembered me not for the number of people I brought to Christ or my accomplishments but that I did all I could to reach the lost and help those who needed it most.  I want God to have al the glory and the honor in my life and I want Him to be totally in control in every move I make and action I take.

Thoughts a month before departure

I apologize to all of you who are following my blog! I realize that I have not written anything in almost two months! Its not for a lack of wanting to, its for a lack of time! These past few months have been insane! I however am not here to write about every tiresome chore and long night but rather to give you an insight into my mind as I count down the days until I leave the United States.

1. Spiritual warfare is very real!

These past few months have brought a lot of bumps in the road and it has become very clear to me that the devil does not want me going to Thailand. For some reason I have always viewed spiritual warfare as something that mentally and spiritually you deal with and while that is true I have learned just how physical it can be. I have learned this through a breast cancer scare, strep throat, injured hip, bad colds, and sleepless nights. Through this I am learning to rest secure in who goes before me. I know he lights the way and its in him I rest. I am thankful for parents who realized the spiritual warfare going on and continually covers me, our house and our family in prayer!

2. I over pack...way...way...way... too much!

Yes, I already have one of my suitcases packed! (No judgment!) I like to be prepared and ready to go. As I was trying to decide what I should take with me I realized I over pack because I want to make sure I have enough of everything in case I need it. You never know when you might need 7 journals or 3 boxes of tea! I am certainly going to have to go back through my stuff and take some stuff out that I will not need. After all, I am going to the second largest city in Thailand! Haha
3. I am more nervous than I let on.

While most people assume my world traveling resume makes me fearless and ready to take on anything in my path, its not quite true. I do love to travel and according to my mom I should be more worried when it comes to traveling alone. The traveling part excited me to my core.... its the moving part that scares me. I am an independent soul and I have moved a lot in my life but its always been within a reachable distance from my parents. (Granted Thailand is too but it just takes a lot more time and money to get there!) My parents and I are super close, they are my best friends, my secret keepers, my accountants, my car fixer uppers, my shoulders to cry on and my heart aches at the thought of being away from them for a whole year. No nightly phone call goodnight, no prayers before bed time, no kiss as I leave to go to work. (sheww... I'm crying buckets now!) My nervousness comes in at the fact that I am doing this on my own. No close friends or my parents to help me navigate. I guess what I am trying to say is I am nervous of all the unknown. My dad and I sing the Micheal W. Smith song, "I'm diving in, I'm going deep, in over my head I wanna be." This is my mantra to help me get through the nervousness and focus on my calling and the light God is shining before me.

4. My heart is already captivated by the children.

I was surfing through Facebook earlier this week and I went to the Agape Home Facebook to look at their pictures. Oh my stars I fell in love instantly with each smiling face. I didn't realize how much love my heart could hold but it certainly is holding love for 108 children. I cannot wait to hug and kiss and love on these beautiful children. I don't think I will ever get tired of hugging children and looking at their smiling faces! I eagerly await the day I get to scoop them up and tell them how much I love them and how much God loves them!

5. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo glad that God did not call me somewhere cold.

To be fair we have had a mild winter so far this year (according to most). My African blood tells me otherwise. When it drops below 70, you will see me with a sweater and probably a scarf. When it drops below 50... the winter coat comes out, plus a sweater and socks and a nice hot cup of tea. I am more ready each day to be in warm (hot) weather and not have to worry about cold, dreary winter and snow (Yuck!). I continually ask myself what winter is even good for and I have yet to come up with anything good! If you can come up with a good reason for winter, let me know! Haha
6. My calling goes as far back as I can remember.

Someone recently asked me when I felt a "calling" to work with orphans or just children in general. To be honest I never had that "AHA!" moment, it was just an ingrained part of me. I look back at pictures of me in Kenya when I was as little as 2 and I was sitting on the ground with the women holding their babies. One of my earliest memories is of me holding a Maasai baby. I remember having a sense that I was making this child safe by holding her close and loving her. I knew in that moment that I wanted to make as many children as I could feel loved and safe. Over the years that same passion has grown and I want to love and protect children as fiercely as I possibly can.

Well my friends... Thank you for reading my random thoughts! I hope you enjoy!
Love,
Ang

The mountains are calling and I must go

Have you ever had a sense of home? The overwhelming peace of knowing this is a safe and loving place. A place where you truly belong not because of what you do or what you look like but because you are loved for you no matter what.

I must admit I have only ever had that feeling in one place. Olkoroi, Kenya. My true home. The place my soul longs for almost daily.

That is until last Friday. As I stepped off the plane at BWI I felt it again. A sense of coming home, a familiar place. Driving away from the airport in the car of my dear host family, holding the sweetest puppy I couldn't help but smile. The familiar jokes, the laughter shared, the stories told was just what my heart needed.

Over and over this weekend, I was overwhelmed with love and greetings that started with, "welcome home."

One of the most encouraging things was a conversation I had with Ben Cachiaras the senior minister at Mountain Christian Church. All he simply said was, "We will always claim you here at Mountain. You are one of ours." Little did he know but that one sentence was the most encouraging, life providing sentence I have heard in years. It brought a profound sense of being part of an amazing family of believers who are praying for me and sending me out to do the work that God has called me to.

The weekend continued to provide that sense of family and home as throughout all the weekend services 15 of the Mountain grown missionaries were brought in front of our family and so many people came up and laid hands on us. Voices lifting prayers on our behalf left me in tears time and time again. The amount of love I felt through each service was tangible. As if I could reach out and touch it. What an amazing feeling.

This past weekend also provided an incredible opportunity to catch up with dear friends. There is just something about that spark of friendship being rekindled that leaves a lasting impression on my heart. I was encouraged my meals shared, lingering hugs and lasting memories.

My host family again brought me into the fold and loved me fiercely. Waking up each day knowing I just had to walk downstairs to be greeting with an amazing amount of love and a small amount of sarcasm filled my heart to overflowing. One of my favorite routines we had when I lived there was tea every night. Three cups would be set out on the counter, tea bag chosen and hot water poured. The three cups were brought into the living room, the TV turned on, and knitting projects were chosen. We would sit and spend most nights in each others company. To be able to do that again was indescribable. It was home.

To say that I was blessed this weekend would be an understatement. I stepped back on the plane to Missouri and found my was to my seat, I shed a few tears knowing I was leaving this home for the foreseeable future. How hard it was to lead but I left with such a renewed sense of being sent out by an amazing family made up of so many amazing people.

I am now more than ever ready to follow God's call to Thailand knowing that so many warriors stand with me ready to fight with me in prayer and love.