As I sit and look at the blank page I must admit it is a
little intimidating. I has been a while since I have dusted off the old blog
and written a post. There are days when it comes easy and thoughts just flow but
I must admit today is not one of those days.
This past month has been quite a roller coaster of amazing
highs and painful lows. It has been a month of transitions and growth. I have
learned so much and I have grown and stretched in ways I didn’t know I needed
to grow and stretch in.
The beginning of August was hectic as I was packing up and
getting ready to leave for Mexico on a 10 day missions trip. The first week of
August was a lot of trying to balance my time, figuring out how to get
everything done, and hoping I didn’t forget to pack my toothbrush! Ha!
Once I was on the plane to Mexico it was the first time I
felt like I could take a breath in weeks. I slept most of the way from
Baltimore to Mexico. I was wiped and it didn’t catch up with me until I was
strapped in listening to the flight attendants explain the emergency
procedures. It is so crazy how your body can keep going despite exhaustion but
somewhere there is an invisible line that once crossed your body shuts down. I
needed those two flights to catch up on sleep and prepare myself for the next
10 days.
Mexico was such an incredible experience in so many ways.
Even in the day in day out of painting walls, building tables, and laying carpet
I could feel God working through our team and through me personally. But it was
in the interaction and relationship building with the students at El Pozo that
I really glimpsed what living your life as ministry is like. The missionaries
don’t “do” ministry, they live it. It is imbedded in the threads of their life,
thoughts, and in the community they create. They don’t wait until people come to
them, they go out into their communities and they invest, they build
relationships and their lives radiate Christ’s love. It was amazing to see and
so encouraging and compelling for me. It renewed within me a desire to live a
life on ministry no matter where I am or what I am doing.
God also richly blessed me with new friendships while I was
in Mexico. I was surrounded by laughter, deep conversations and my cup was
overflowing! One day while we were in Puebla I wrote in my journal, “I am
thoroughly enjoying today. Being surrounded by God’s sons and daughters who
love others so deeply and share from their hearts is filling my cup to
overflowing.”
Mexico was the renewal and rejuvenation my soul had been
longing for a long time. I was both excited to head home and share with
everyone all that I had experienced and I was also sad to be leaving my new
friends knowing I had less than a month until I had to say goodbye to my
Maryland home.
Those who know me well know saying goodbye scares me. It is
never been something I have been good at doing and it cuts me to my core. I
love making friends and building relationships but when I have to say goodbye
to those I have become attached to… I shut down. As a
missionary kid goodbyes are something I have had to do the majority of my life.
Although I have done it over and over and over again, it has never gotten easier
and in some ways I think that it has gotten harder.
The last two weeks in Maryland set my soul on edge. There
was an ever lingering cloud of dread hanging over my head and I knew the goodbyes
were daily getting closer to becoming a reality. The goodbyes slowly started
happening. One by one the hugs were given, prayers were said and with each one
my heart felt heavier and heavier. They got more and more impossible to do
because I started saying goodbye to those I love the most and have become part
of their family.
Yesterday morning it all came to a head when at 7 am I drove
out of the driveway, blowing kisses, tears streaming down my face as I said
goodbye to my most precious host family. I felt a profound sense of loss.
I know goodbyes aren’t forever but without knowing when I
will see my precious Maryland family again… it feels like forever.
God is already opening doors as I walk along this new path
he has laid before me and as hard as it is to say goodbye I know without a
shadow of a doubt I am following God’s call. And that is more comforting than a
million hugs.
