So, it all started about four years ago.
My good friend had just chopped her hair off and not only
did I like how it looked on her, I was so tempted to try it myself. It seems so
liberating.
But alas, I chickened out. I was afraid of what others would
think and say if I were to cut all my hair off. So instead, I did everything
else but cut it all off. I dyed it every color imaginable, I tried out an array
of haircuts and finally I just gave up and let it grow.
For most of my life, my hair has been a defining feature of
mine. My hair is incredibly thick and growing up it was always long. I was told
over and over how beautiful my hair was, that I should never cut it and that I
must be able to do so much with it.
My hair defined me in a lot of ways. I felt like I had to
keep it a certain way to please others. For a long time, I have had a fear of
disappointing people and I am constantly wondering what others think of me or
if they approve of me and my choices. These fears extend far past my hair cut,
but it was one of the many things I kept a certain way to please others.
Another example is that I have recently been learning a lot
about myself and not only who I am but what I like. I recently discovered that
for most of my life, I have loved motorcycles. I grew up riding on the back of
my dad’s motorbike and I have loved them since that time. I guess I was
supposed to grow out of that love of motorcycles but secretly deep down I have
been holding onto that love. It wasn’t until last week when I took a motorbike
course and got to ride some amazing bikes that I let go and let myself have an
amazing time. Despite other people telling me not to, or that I shouldn’t want
to, I did it anyway and let me tell you, it was a huge highlight for me. It
transported me back to the days when I would ride on Daddy’s motorbike and felt
such a freedom and in those moments, I always felt super close to my dad as we
would bond over riding. I let go of the fear that people wouldn’t approve of my
love of motorcycles.
I also love being super adventurous and trying new things!
For example, I recently started training for a powerlifting competition. Many
people think I’m nuts for trying to do it. During the time, I was deciding if I
should pursue it or not, many people told me I was crazy, I wasn’t ready, I
wouldn’t do well and I’m so glad I didn’t listen to them. I listened to the
voice in my own head telling me I am strong enough, I am not crazy but rather I
am driven towards a goal of being strong and healthy!
So then came the matter of my hair. My dear friend Laura is
a beautiful woman who rocks a short haircut. Every time I see her, I think man
I love her hair. However, each time a teeny tiny voice of fear would creep in
telling me I would let everyone down and that no one would like it. For about a
month, this fear dictated my heart.
One night I was lying in bed looking through Pinterest when
I typed in, “women’s short hair” into the search bar. I instantly began falling
in love with short hair all over again. I pinned like 8 different short hair
styles that I thought I might like. I kept looking them over and over until I
narrowed it down to two that I really liked. I sent it to my friend Laura and a
couple of other people I am really close to. I must admit, not everyone was on
board. But those that were, spoke truth into my heart.
IT IS JUST HAIR. I had to tell myself that over and over. I
literally repeated that to myself the entire way to the salon. IT WILL GROW
BACK.
Despite my fear and nervousness, I went through with it.
From the moment, she cut off my ponytail, I nervously began to love it.
It no longer mattered what other people thought of me, or if
they were going to approve of my choice. It was about me. My freedom from only
making decisions because others “approved” or not. This was my choice. I did it
because I wanted to. I did it because it has been something that for a long
time I have wanted to do but was too scared to do it.
So, I faced my fear and let me tell you the outpouring of
love for my new haircut has been amazing!
Don’t let the fear of what others might say stop you from
doing something. If you want to cut all your hair off, DO IT. If you want to
travel the world, DO IT. People like to shine their negativity and insecurities
on others. Don’t listen to it.
Love yourself for who you are. If you are a girl and love
motorcycles, OWN IT! Rock it! If you are a guy who loves to cook, don’t be
ashamed to share it with the world! You don't have to live in a box others try and create for you.
My mom recently told me that I am my own person. That I am
exotic and that can intimidate others. I don’t fit in a box and I certainly don’t
color in the lines. I need to learn to live in that security that I can be who
I am without shame and without constantly looking to others for their approval.
Be who you are. Love yourself for your quirks, for the
things you love and don’t be afraid to take a leap and do something crazy like cutting
all your hair off!
My dad always says to me, “Tadamu ira ng’ae” which means "remember who you are" in Maasai.
Who you are is not defined by your hair, your clothing
choice, your likes or dislikes. Who you are is so much more than that.
This is a lesson I think everyone needs to learn because not
everyone is always going to love the decisions we make and we have to be able
to step beyond that and be okay with not being able to please everyone.
Be brave! Try new things! Let go of your fears!
BE YOU!
