Nails

The thought that has recently been on my mind the most is the thought that every time we sin, we are driving the nails further and further into the hands and feet of Jesus. Every time our minds go to bad places, every time our lips speak unwholesomeness, every time we let our ears hear filth, and every time our body acts not accordingly to the bible, we are painfully driving the nails deeper. We are tearing apart flesh, we are severing blood vessels and crushing bone in the beautiful hands and feet of the only one who can save us. Even as the nails are pounded in and the pain becomes so intense, Jesus still manages to whisper, "I love you my child." In this world, we will come across people who will say that they would die for us but, would they really? If we were the ones who were causing them the pain and nailing them to a cross would they still tell us they loved us? No, they would turn against us, there would be no love in their hearts. Their hearts would be filled with anger, resentment and confusion. It brings my heart great sadness to think that I am hurting my Savior and that is why it takes a daily effort to turn against the evil ways that have put the hammer in my hand and are coaxing me to drive the nails deeper, and to turn to the one who protects me, the one who will never leave me.

My encouragement for you is that you put down the hammer, put down the sin and run to the only One who is waiting with nail scarred hands. He is waiting and wanting to forgive you.

Memories

It is so interesting how one item can bring back a thousand memories. I went to a thrift store today and as I was looking around I found a beautiful picnic basket. As I picked it up and looked it over memories started pouring through my mind. It took me back to a time when I was a child and ran around barefoot. One Christmas my aunt sent us a picnic basket and even though it was a Christmas present, it got to us in the spring. A joke in our family was that it was Christmas all year round. As soon as we opened the picnic basket I couldn't wait to go on a picnic. As soon as I could, I grabbed food out of the fridge, a couple of bottles of coke, a blanket and went out with my Maasai sister for a picnic. We spread the blanket in the yard under the Acacia tree and spread out our feast. We laughed and had a good time picking wildflowers. We packed up and headed inside to watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers which we watched every weekend for many many years.

Now that I have a beautiful new picnic basket, I am so very excited for all the new memories are to come!

Where and Joy and Sorrow Meets

At two am you would think I would be ready to sleep. My mind won’t allow me to so I turn to writing. The only thing that can fully clear my mind is writing. Currently, my mind is a mess of thoughts and emotions that need to be sorted out.

Last night, I received a call from my parents who are currently a half a world away in the only place I can truly call home. The conversation started off as it always does by talking about what our days consisted of. I was so excited to tell them about all the things going on in my life and as I did so there was a slight hesitancy in their voices but at the same time a violent urge to tell me something. I asked them about how they have been and they briefly mentioned that they were well and started off with the sentence… “We have news about Toyie…” Toyie and I have been closer than any sisters ever have or could be. We have no blood relation but the bond is deeper than blood it is of the heart. Our hearts bind us together. My beautiful sister and I have been through everything together. There have been times where while worlds away we feel each others pain. They say only twins share the ability to feel each others pain but although we share no DNA, we share that.

When through the static of the phone I heard, “We have news about Toyie,” my being froze. Two seconds turned into two years as I waited with silent fervor to hear what exactly the news was.

“Toyie, is getting married this weekend.” My soul flooded with sheer bliss followed by a deep penetrating emotion only known as agony. My joy was for her and after long awaited prayers, God brought a good Christian man to her. My joy quickly turned to pain when I heard… “this weekend.” I was quickly taken back to the days when we would spend hours out under the hot African sun talking about growing up and what our weddings were going to be like as we frolicked among the butterflies and the birds. At the end of the day as the sun set and we crawled under the covers we whispered promises that we would be in each others weddings. The realization that promise was going to be broken pierced my heart like a knife.

I am more than proud for my sister and my only wish is that I could be there as she begins her new life to let her know that I love her. Just as we feel each others pain, we feel each others joy and being able to feel her joy is guiding me through.

I love you dear sister and may the Lord of the Universe bless you now as you marry and start a new life.

The Prayer of My Heart

 

Captivate my heart and move in me to move others

Show me the path my legs must walk

Teach me love only from you, God

Bring me to my knees in awe of your glory

Release my insecurities and self doubt and fill me with you

Give me patience to wait on the right one

Use the little things to teach me monumental lessons

Let every breath I take be only for you

Be my reason for every situation

In trials be my fortress and stronghold

Let your word start a fire in my soul that cannot be put out

When I slip be the arm that catches me

In my failures may I find hope in you to carry on

Let me not be afraid to shout your name

Keep my heart and mind pure and focused only on you

Bring peace when I am troubled

Let me remember those who fought the fight and never backed down

When I am persecuted give me strength to glorify you

I pray that my story, my life, my prayer will be a testimony for others

Amen

What are you chasing after?

Let me ask you a question, what are you chasing after? After examining what I was chasing after, I realized how much in my life I needed to stop chasing after and redirect my focus.
What I was chasing after, leads to broken hearts, restless nights and potentially into a life of sin. I was chasing after relationships that were not Christ focused. I was chasing after approval from anyone who would give it to me, no matter who that was. It was killing me from the inside out. I was self destructing. When I finally woke up to the realization that I was hurting myself and that what I was chasing after was not Christ centered, I began a season of change. I changed my whole thought process. I wrote down what I wanted and needed to start chasing after. At first, I stared at my journal wondering what I was going to write and suddenly God opened my mind and things came pouring out, it was as if I couldn't write fast enough.
My challenge for you is to find what you are chasing after that is dangerous, harmful, sinful, and write them all down. Ask yourself why you are chasing after those things. Why are you chasing those things? After you list out all of those things, throw it away, get rid of it. The act of throwing it away is symbolic of getting rid of those things out of your life. Get another piece of paper and write down all the things you need to be chasing after. Start chasing after God first and foremost.
May God bless you as you start to chase after the right things,
Ang